just like some kind of like sex thing like either someone's like w-nking in like a really
weird way so i know a lot of artists hold pride in the
fact that they don't talk about their work and the meaning of their work - i think when
you know people say it's with you now it's for you - that's exaclt what it means - when
my music is put out it's not really about me anymore - it's about you! it's about what
you know people take from it and er... yeah! what, whatever they need from it. and I...
I really respect that. I love it. And I definitely wanna do that sometimes. or you know with
specific things. um. but I wanna talk about my lyrics cause I love em! and you know i'm
holding up a boudnary for some things and in some ways but it'll be fun to tlak about
pernickty ones and the ones that i wanna share and talk about because i'm really smart and
i spend a long time like crafting sepicif words that mean soemething very particular
to me and um. yeah dunno i'm gonna share some of them because i think it'd be fun. okay!
so i asked on instagram - there are some that keep coming up so i think i'll talk about
them. alright we'll just jump in! a song called if i'm being honest which is about having
a crush andbeing a hot mess about it. how did i get here? it's all so quick and i feel
sick - red pushing down on the green. the worry of the future of it all is suppressing
all of the hope. hope has a cost, keeping all fingers crossed and held tight. but i
look idiotic with my limbs all knotted, it don't feel right. I think when you're hoping
you act like an idiot in a crush, or you know. that's what i was feeling - you know all that
hope can make you dizzy which doesn't help said crush. okay. in a song called in the
bed which is a song about wanking. show a shoulder, naked skin on the side like a crack
in a door on a latch. oh! I like this one. so like, you know, showing a shoulder or like
naked skin on the side so like if i'm wearing basically what i'm wearing now and i have
a bit of waist peeking out - a secret door! i'm inviting people to have a lil look at
my body and you get a lil glimpse into this like sexual part of someone into a day to
day working life. what in the world do we have at a quarter to four? such a still, but
so real, disconnected, but beautifully raw? I love that line! basically i just imagined
like a scene like a picture like imagine you've just cut a film and we're looking at this
scene - quarter to four - it's just like some kind of like sec thing like either someones
like wanking in like a really weird way or two people are like having sex in a really
weird way and it's just like if you're an objective viewer having just come like from
the real world and you were an outsider like looking in you'd be like - what in the world
is going on? what a still! you know but so real like disconnected cause you're disconnected
from being normal humans you've gone into like pure primal it's like disconnected but
beautifully raw. teehee. rewire a dread, this whirring machine - if you can't cool it down
steam is still steam. use the energy of anxiety of this whirring machine, just rewire it and
turn it into horniess! if you're pent up, use that energy. if you can't cool it down,
steam is still steam. steam is still steam. steamy. I am not cartoon from burned out.
ummm... so burned out is a song that is about for me personally just like feeling the weight
of having an audience and like balancing that with having wished for it when i was younger
- the bad and the good of that as well and the confusing mess that it makes. don't build
hope on something broken, i am not cartoon, cry for help, i am not joking, i might just
leave soon. It's like you know i'm real! um no one's writing me i'm writing myself. so
it's not gonna be perfect. cry for help i'm not joking i might just leave soon um yeah
i think that's like a play - i wrote it in a very dark time so i might just leave soon
either means like i'm gonna quit the internet and this job and everything about it or...
i'm not joking i might leave soon... i wasn't feeling very well at that time and i wanted
to put suicidal ideation in my art. okay. i am burned out, i smell of smoke it seeps
through her cracks and so i start to choke - i remember. crafting this like line so particularly
because i knew what i wanted i wanted this idea of like me inside my body like trying
to do all these things and like this outward shell being fine. and someone talking to me
i guess i imagined it at like a meet and greet where like you know someone's talking and
i'm like mmhm!! but inner me is malfunctioning and dying and like smoke is seeping out and
the other person's like.... you okay? i can smell smoke. ummm... in guiltless! a dark
politician will end up alone. nah! we're not gonna. figure out these lyrics... sugas got
an eggy bum... i think you know what it means - you're suga!! (laugh) you're sugars got
an eggy bum! (laughs) okay got lot of questions for a song called before the line. um. before
the line is about um… having derealisation and i feel like there’s like a line in my
life where i didn’t have it and now i do have it and this song is just me being very
angry about that. in before the line… so many questions about the promise - So in before
the line i say like - I made a promise but i break it every day - no it’s not my fault
for i was promised just the same! once i saw fire… the particular promise that i’m
talking about is that when i was younger i promised myself that I would love life every
damn day as I did when i was younger and that i would stay as youthful and as excited and
as happy as i was as a child. oops. I made that promise but i break it every day! but
it’s not my fault cause i was promised just the same you know i’m angry about it cause
that younger girl promised me that i’d be happy and be okay but also i’m lying to
her - just like an anger between two sides of the line. and i am lying when i say it’s
time to let her float away, no i’m still clawing for the strings… in my more hopeful
moments i’m like it’s okay i had that more vivid past - in my darker moments i’m
like bullshit. and to let her float away i feel very floaty in my spaciness so i imagine
everything floating away from me including the past version of myself from before the
line but i’m lying when i saw it’s okay - i’m still clawing from the strings is
just me floating away and trying to like bring myself back down to earth from my spaciness
but also get myself back like NO PLEASe in four tequilas - something in me says, that
this is okay. Something in me says that this is okay - i don’t know if there’s more
than meets the eye there. yeah i think so . i think what i was going for with that middle
eight in particular is like you know the fact that it’s like swirling around her. just
like pure denial. but also i think the something in me says that this is okay is a truth that
someone else put into her. tell me did you make your eyes blur? so that in the dark i’d
look like her. that bit i kind of like pulled out of an idea - four tequilas is about an
amalgamation of things. it’s like the idea of like two people sleeping together in like
a bad way in a way that shouldn’t happen - relationships are entangled but they’re
both doing it because they feel like they’re missing something - we’ll pretend because
we need it - they’re not even necessarily in love at all or even like each other that
much - they’re just doing this dumb thing because some part of them feels like they
deserve it - cause their situations aren’t very good. OKAY in special girl! special girls
very playful - it’s about like being broken and loving in a fucked up way but being like
oh well! okay! talk and tap to find a crack prise open till my nails turn black - time
and time again…. it’s like when i get to know someone i wanna like question them
and be like oh what about this thing! can you share about this - if someones closed
off i’ll talk and tap to break them open like an egg so they spill to me but i’m
trying to prise them open but it’s damaging me because i’m hurting myself and trying
to break open all these people. fits so nicely in your mouth though. baby i’m a funny thing!
i’m walking if it doesn’t sting/. heartbreak only means that it was worth it! just means
i’ll be bored if there’s no pain. in cool girl - cool girl is about you know - trying
to be the most chill version of yourself in order to try and be the most loveable and
not push anyone anyone away! you’re like everything fine dont worry about it! needs?
i dont have any! what even are they? i carry the time we dont talk in a back pack - like
i notice everything - i’m the one walking and carrying it - you’re rolling your eyes
to the backs of your heads - surely you know to close them instead - like no! don’t roll
your eyes! just chill em out - dont look just repress. talk about your taste in women! in
the middle is a song about the idea of a threesome that never happened cause both of my exes
were bisexual and i thought it was hilarious the idea of them hooking up. you said you’re
into closure - shake hands like you’re supposed to - do a little formal greeting before you
get down and dirty. - you’ve got so much in common! talk about your taste in women!
i remember introducing them and being like… oh my god i was about to say their nameS!
eh! I told both of them and was like oh my god imagine if you both just hooked up and
then i came along. so yeah you two can be friends and talk about your taste in women…
in a song called monster - i craft my words to fit your head, cause no one listens to
the dead. um, monster is about someone seeing you in a different way because you’ve…
you’re not playing by their rules anymore so you turn into a different creature and
they’re looking at you like blergh. and i’m like trying to fit that - crafting sentences
that will maybe like make them see me in a different way but it’s too late i’m already
the undead. in a song called human - i wanna pick you up and scoop you out - that was kinda
sweet - falling in love for the first time and yeah! just wanting to hold someone and
like find out everything about them and eat it. ingest them. there was the end i couldn’t
find found too late. sorry’s pretty simple it’s just about making a mistake and telling
someone and the experience of feeling so much guilt! let me go back. show me the eyes. So
i’d really know, just what it looks like, there was the end, i couldn’t find found
too late. I think that line’s pretty self explanatory. there was the end i couldn’t
find found too late. a lot of questions about a song called all my daughters which i love,
i love that song. all my daughters is about a mixture of things actually - i wrote it
after a breakup - still feeling some dark things after a relationship a lot of guilt
and worry and i just wasn’t doing too well so i though i’d mash em all into a song
as your bad mental health tends to do to be honest - you know when you’re not feeling
well and suddenly one thing is about everything. i’m not who they think i am! I try too hard
not to give a damn, but i feel it - how they love me, all my daughters, but i’m screaming,
underwater, i will you hurt you, almost definitely, ask the people who have left me. i think when
i say daughters i meant particular like young fans! cause what i mean by daughters is like
the responsibility u feel it feels so heavy it feels parental. so the chorus of all my
daughters is about being know and carrying all of this stuff - what it feels like to
be perceived in a certain way and feel the complete opposite a lot of the time people
see me as like this perfect angel but i have a whole life and history of being, and there
a few bas things, and that doesn’t feel too good. i’m not who they think i am. i
try too hard not to give a damn but i feel it like i feel the love- how they love me
all my daughters but i’m screaming underwater like no one can hear me i’m like bwaaa!
i will hurt you almost definitely ask the people who have left me. i felt it all go
slack, oh my god i need it back! i’ll grow the bones myself then… on my own again.
feeling very alone and being like you know what fine! i’ll go through this alone again!
i’ll grow the bones! i remember feeling like fine i’ll like build this back up - all
by myself and like growing bones feels very painful and difficult and almost impossible.
I’m on a train, i’m in a car, washing my hair , i’m in the dark! i hate the world
and it doesn’t care, we just sit there - i think it’s like monotonous things happening.
it was the beginning of lockdown so it was like i’m just doing this doing this doing
this -i hate the world and it doesn’t care - this this this BWAAA fuk you world and it
cant hear you. in a song called hate myself! hate myself is about … i mean it’s pretty
self explanatory - when you go quiet i hate myself - being next to someone who deals with
their problems introspectively and you start attacking yourself. so yeah. how does the
outro go. give me a mastery. maybe they’ll bloom for me. it’s always the quiet ones…
oh something here must be done like why do i keep looking for these particular quiet
ones. i’m open and ready here! i don’t think they get me dear. i’m like talking
to myself just like you know what? i don’t think they get me! i’m so open! i’m so
willing to communicate and talk. they just dont get it - they’re not on my level. I’m
only proving how i’m only worth losing now - i keep looking for these people who dont
wanna communicate and open up to me then it just proves to myself that umm… they dont
want me. i feel very differently about a lot of these things now. or you know! it’s just
me like exploring a feeling and a idea. it feels oddly good to hurt. well doesn’t it?
when you um. love someone in any way! you can’t have them or you can have them it
always comes with a bit of pain maybe but like… maybe it feels good. okay! there we
go! me being vulnerable. and if you have any more pop em in the comments! and please be
respectful about you know… everything i’ve talked about! i’m not really about you know
speculating on my specific life details because it’s mine! its my life. you can share yours
if you want to. you can share what the lysis mean to you if you want to you dont have to
. it’s the internet be careful! love you loads! thank you for listening to my music
so in depth - and i hope you get… oh no! my card had been fulll! i’m staying close
so the microphone can pick me up. hope you enjoy my music and you get what you need from
it - my flatmate is pissing… very hard. okay bye!